In the movies and other forms of fiction we see people who declare they are 100% sure of having exactly one feeling. A character claims to completely love,  or to be utterly certain of of how they feel, without reservations.  Only this  — to be that certain, without any doubts whatsoever, with no teensy nagging worries, with no ‘buts’ —  is likely 100% impossible.

Realistically, we are simply not built to be 100% of anything. Maybe a person can maintain this level of certitude for some hours or days, but it cannot last.  Let’s be clear here. I’m not suggesting we’re being mislead. Though I do believe society has a way of valuing absolute certainty in us, and does not take so kindly to the complicated, and sometimes messy realities we all experience.

Learning to live with multiple, often conflicting feelings, takes effort, and brings comfort that cannot otherwise be achieved.

In my therapy practice, I see mostly young adults and teens. I believe young people will transform the world. To succeed, we need the awareness of what’s happening in our bodies, how we feel, and to have the skills to navigate the challenges that will inevitably arise.

It’s Mental Health Awareness Month. It always best to be aware of how anxiety, depression, peer pressure, and many other factors can impact our sense of well being. Holding in feelings and denying feelings tends to exacerbate them, and rarely solves anything.

Society shows us how to be productive, successful, and engaged. These are all certainly good and needed skills. But society does not do really well at guiding us to express our individuality, or to be really comfortable in our own bodies. These goals are not easily categorized or quantified. Still, they are clearly important to feeling whole and living a satisfying life.

Celebrating Mental Health Awareness Month

HHS — US Department of Health and Human Services

Mental Health Awareness Month

NAME – National Alliance on Mental Illness

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

SAMSHA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

Additional links can be found on the resources page.

Thinking about suicide…

In America, suicide is the third highest cause of death among adolescents and young adults. The stresses on adolescents and adults in their 20’s and 30’s are often tremendous. Our social structures are not designed well to ensure emotional health. Rather, our schools, work places and many social environments are remarkably intolerant of behaviors considered to be outside of a narrow range of what is deemed acceptable. This predicament leaves many feeling desperate, isolated, and besieged with feelings of futility, anxiety and depression.

Rates of suicide rates vary between boys and girls. Overall, girls consider and ultimately attempt suicide about twice as often as boys, frequently by overdosing on drugs or cutting themselves. Still, it is the boys that die by suicide roughly four times as often as girls. Boys are more likely to use more lethal methods, including firearms, hanging, or jumping from heights.

Estimates suggest that at least 25 suicide attempts are made for each completed. As a psychotherapist I am aware of few actions that present as clearly to be a desperate call for help. Sadly, most of us are not taught how to ask for help, nor how to offer support, empathy and assistance in ways that can be most helpful. This situation leaves those we care about and love in a seemingly hopeless place.

We all need to have hope for ourselves and our future, self-respect, and supportive relationships in life. All through life we crave safe and supportive places where we can be true to ourselves, live our true nature and ultimately dream. Having aspirations is one of the key components to a fulfilling and satisfying life. In difficult times these are hard to find and keep within ones grasp.

The therapeutic environment is an ideal place to explore all of this in a safe and supportive manner. Working with the therapist, a space is created that is unique and healing. The fact that the therapist is not part of the friend, family, school/work, or social matrix is of utmost importance. The therapist comes without assumptions, judgments or an agenda. Individuals seeking a possible path forward, frequently face anxiety, futility and depression, all of which can be major obstacles. It’s not easy to muster the will, and courage to act, it’s not easy to put faith in a stranger with a different way of doing things. Often it does take great acts of will and courage, and a leap of faith that things can be better.