There are of a great many ways to define a successful therapy engagement. So many in fact that many therapists cannot even define the goal in any concrete terms; choosing instead to point to markers, life choices, the diminution or elimination of unsafe activities, and such. We can open the DSM-V, and all the writings of Freud, William James and others, but we’ll never find a universal definition of success. Philosophers from Aristotle to Simone de Beauvoir to Nietzsche have chased the subject of what it means to have a rich and satisfying life. Many lessons can be learned from each of these probing minds, and much can be adapted and synthesized to simple ways to relate to oneself, others we encounter in life, and the greater world we inhabit.

This short piece must, by necessity, omit a great many concepts, goals, nuance, and the importance of the dynamics involved within the therapeutic encounter. Future entries will touch upon many of these aspects, including the role of transference and much more. For the duration of this entry, let us stipulate there are two overarching aspects of a successful therapy experience, and we will explore them here. Briefly, the first goal is the powerful experiences and changes possible through the act of engaged talking. This is the cornerstone of talk therapy, the most observable outcome of interpersonal communications. The second goal is learning how to have more choices in ways to respond; to not be locked into knee-jerk and closed patterns. This goal is far more difficult to describe and mark; often we will only recognize it in the rear-view mirror of reflection.

The first goal we seek is a result of talking about the painful and challenging experiences from ones life. If one can tell the stories, be emotionally invested, and be as present to the internal experiences while retelling, one has the opportunity to create real changes. The act of experiencing the events a second time – though this time in the safety and security of a confidential and supportive environment – is crucial. The telling in a therapeutic setting provides a moment in time to experience the past differently, combined with the power of putting all those feelings and memories into words, it offers the possibility of movement.

Retelling of painful past experiences is never easy. It is almost always difficult in subtle and profound ways. This is why so many of us are reluctant to go to therapy. One must engage in miserable work if one really wishes progress upon the route to better relationships with oneself and others in life. This is also the primary reason why therapists say it takes great courage for one to come and do psychotherapy.

After the process of re-experiencing and talking through the events, and frequently after some time has elapsed to process the new information, one can begin to appreciate the meaning of speaking out loud. Now, a shift has the possibility of taking place. Now the original event is accompanied by a second experience that was created in the retelling; a place that was sufficiently safe and supportive within the context of the therapeutic relationship. These two memories coexist and have a way of modulating the original painful experience. The original experiences are never forgotten or trivialized. Nor is one ever asked to “get over” the original experience. The power comes in having two experiences, and frequently in revisiting related material many times, in many different contexts, over the course of therapy.

The power comes in the speaking and new experiences. The talking, telling another person who listens deeply and carefully; the sharing and the nature of the relationship are what makes the difference. The best outcome is a diminution of the potency of the memories, and over the course of time to find resolution. In a future post I will expand upon the concept dealing with trauma and why it’s so important to strive for resolution rather than surmounting or “getting over” them.

The second aspect of therapy is the exploration of how to have more choices in how one responds to events in life. Often we become accustomed and conditioned to specific response patterns. We might liken this to going for a walk across a field. The first time we set out, akin to a first experience in life, there is no path and we find a way. On subsequent walks we’re most likely to follow the same way, again and again, until a path is formed. As time goes by it becomes ever more difficult to stray from the paths we have ourselves laid down. We have created our own paths, and by doing so defined the limits of where we venture. In a real sense we’ve created artificial walls for ourselves, walls that can seem insurmountable.

For some of us, and for some of the most extreme cases, these learned experiences were vital. They could have been choices and responses used to stay alive. Some children must learn when it’s safe or not to react under a broad range of circumstances. Their learned ways of adaptation can be crucial.

Unfortunately, learned ways that may be vital for a child most often do not work well for us as adolescents and adults. These learned patterns can be terribly limiting and diminishing of life experiences and life’s pleasures.

Psychotherapy is here used to explore new and healthy ways to deal with the events of life. With age, reflective abilities and a safe, empathic environment, much becomes possible. Like virtually all goals of therapy, the historic solution is never abandoned, it is rather supplemented with additional choices. We can say that therapy is about learning to have more ways to respond to what happens in life. When we have more options for how to respond in life, then we have more tools in our toolbox, we have greater freedom. And with greater freedom comes a richer and deeper sense of oneself, and something akin to what all the psychotherapists and philosophers have been striving to attain for millennia.

References
Aristotle. (2009). The Nicomachean Ethics (Revised edition; L. Brown, Ed.; D. Ross, Trans.). Oxford ; New York: Oxford University Press.
de Beauvoir, S. (2018). The Ethics of Ambiguity (Reissue edition). Open Road Media.
Freud, S. (1976). The Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud (1st edition; J. Strachey, Ed.). W. W. Norton & Company.
James, W. (1950). The Principles of Psychology, Vol. 1 (Reprint edition). New York: Dover Publications.
Stern, T. (Ed.). (2019). The New Cambridge Companion to Nietzsche. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.